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Tips to Minimize Family Conflicts When Deciding on Care for an Aging Parent

August 3, 2024

When the time comes to make decisions about the care of aging parents, families often face emotionally charged situations. These discussions can be challenging, especially when there are differing opinions on what is best for a loved one. Whether it's about moving them into a senior living facility, assisted living, or memory care, the stakes are high, and emotions can run deep.


Here are some practical tips to help families de-escalate conflict and make decisions that prioritize the well-being of their loved ones.


 1. Start with Open Communication


Set the Stage for Calm Discussions: Initiate conversations in a neutral, comfortable setting where all family members feel safe to express their thoughts. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics during stressful times or in rushed settings.


Active Listening: Encourage everyone to listen actively and without interruption. This practice helps ensure that all voices are heard and that each person’s concerns and suggestions are considered.


Use “I” Statements: Instead of blaming or accusing, use “I” statements to express feelings and concerns. For example, “I feel worried about Mom’s safety” is more constructive than “You’re not taking care of Mom properly.”


 2. Focus on the Common Goal


Unified Objective: Remind everyone that the primary goal is the well-being and safety of the senior. Keeping the focus on this shared goal can help reduce tensions and align efforts toward finding the best solution.


Avoid Past Grievances: Refrain from bringing up unrelated past issues or grievances during discussions. These can distract from the topic at hand and escalate conflicts.


 3. Educate and Inform


Gather Information: Collect information about the parent’s medical needs, financial situation, and available care options. Understanding the full scope of the situation helps ground the discussion in facts rather than emotions.


Involve Professionals: Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a geriatric care manager, social worker, or healthcare provider, to provide expert opinions and facilitate the conversation. Their input can provide clarity and help mediate differing views.


 4. Respect Each Other’s Roles and Perspectives


Acknowledge Contributions: Recognize and appreciate the efforts and concerns of each family member. Whether they are providing day-to-day care, managing finances, or offering emotional support, each role is vital.


Equal Voice: Ensure that all family members, including the aging parent if possible, have a voice in the decision-making process. This inclusivity can help prevent feelings of exclusion and resentment.


A graphic of a man and woman looking at a clipboard

 5. Develop a Plan Together


Collaborative Decision-Making: Work together to create a care plan that considers the parent’s preferences, safety needs, and the family’s capacity to provide support. This plan should be flexible and open to adjustments as the situation evolves.


Set Clear Responsibilities: Once a plan is in place, clearly define each person’s responsibilities. Having a structured approach can prevent misunderstandings and reduce potential friction.


 6. Seek External Support


Family Counseling: If conflicts persist, consider family counseling or mediation. A professional can help navigate complex emotions and facilitate more productive conversations.


Support Groups: Joining a support group for families in similar situations can provide valuable insights and emotional support. Hearing from others who have gone through similar experiences can be reassuring and informative. 


 7. Take Care of Yourself and Each Other


Self-Care: Remember that caregiving and decision-making can be stressful. Encourage self-care and take breaks when needed to maintain emotional well-being. If you're trying to do this alone, consider support groups like Sandwiched KC. You can learn more about them here. 


Be Patient and Compassionate: Recognize that these are difficult decisions for everyone involved. Patience and compassion can go a long way in maintaining family harmony.


Giving Yourself and Your Loved Ones Grace


Deciding on the best care for an aging parent is rarely straightforward. Still, by approaching the situation with open communication, a focus on the shared goal of the parent's well-being, and a willingness to listen and compromise, families can navigate these challenging times more effectively. Remember, the ultimate aim is to ensure that your loved one receives the care and support they need in a safe and nurturing environment.


Please take advantage of our years of experience and are helpful articles and must reads, our focus doesn't help educate families and provide resources to them to help them drive and find tools to help with the transition to senior living or a loved one1 that is aging.  Whether you live in the Kansas City area or any other city in the United States, our resources are going to help everyone. Make sure you see https://www.familyshepherd.com/blog for more helpful articles, free resources, and checklist.


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